I lived in a prison of my own creation.
For years, martyrdom, menopause, and a looming cloud of regrets kept me from living the life of joy, love and freedom I deserved and desired. With roots in sacrifice and struggle that my upbringing had taught me was my “DUTY to bear”– I gave all to work and left little time for home and heart. As a result, my mind, body and soul paid dearly. And so did my family.
Sixteen years in the classroom were wholly exhausting but even more exhilarating. Building community and connection with my students had been my lifeblood. But my last five years, in school leadership –while full of learning and growth– saw way too much stress and way too little laughter. Year after year, the support given to those of us doing the supporting became less and less. So running on fumes, I began saving for my self-imposed sabbatical, not as a luxury, but a necessity.
“Take a break or have a breakdown”, my inner self commanded. I chose the break. And it was one of the best decisions I’ve ever made.
I left the school setting (and all I knew) with nothing but my intent to: rest, plan, and (eventually) act. And following the Nap Ministry’s call to “rest as resistance”...I DID! After so many years of hustle, I allowed myself to delight fully in the Italian practice of ‘dolce far niente’ and to paraphrase El Gran Combo, “no hice más na’ ”...and loved it!
To my surprise, I found that my rest had also afforded me some room to grieve. Properly. Finally. From some of the personal and secondary traumas I had never fully processed from forty+ years of city living, half of them as a brown & down educator. And for the first time in...ever, unencumbered by busyness and focused solely on myself, I started to experience HEALING. And after tasting how delicious that was (sacred sanity!), well, I sashayed right on into abundance!
In this time, I engaged in what adrienne maree brown dubbed “Pleasure Activism” and took all typsa risks and made all manner of messes as this respite gave way to indulgence. This looked like: sweet solitude, dauntless dancing, intrepid travel, and even more exploration, connection, and PLAY (Quite literally–last Fall, at age 44, I made my theatrical debut!).
Oh, and that joy, love and freedom I’d been missing? I found it! Because whatever I wanted, I gifted myself. And though initially, I wondered whether my family would think me selfish, as it turned out, filling my own cup really did enable me to pour more into theirs. And my kids saw their mom laugh again. And my husband saw my shadows turn to light. So now, after a year of replenishment, mi gente...I’m back!
“Caring for myself is not self-indulgence, it is self-preservation, and that is an act of political warfare.”--Audre Lorde
And I’ve emerged with a new skill set–LIFE COACHING! I bring into my newly minted title of “certified life coach” twenty years of teaching students, coaching teachers, and building in community. So while the course work was new, this life work of intuiting folks’ genius to help them access their best selves has always been the goal. Our authentic wellness and highest expression has been my passion, since I ventured out into the world on a mission to educate & liberate half a lifetime ago. I’m still doing what I love; I just know now to also count myself in the liberation I want for my people. I understand I’m more vested when rested, better partner than martyr. Brings me great joy, love and freedom to help others find their own, but rather than give away my expertise as teacher/consultant, I no longer try to carry all the load. Instead, I draw out your expertise as the champion of your life and the s/hero of your story.
And I can think of no better time in our collective story than now to GET FREE. Indeed, as Assata taught us, it IS our DUTY to fight, win, love and support each other in breaking our chains. So, if you, too, have forgotten to include YOURSELF amongst those who get to walk up to the sun, it would be my honor to stand alongside you on your journey to your best self.
Whether you’re a frustrated mom, a languid lover, questioning your life purpose, or just struggling with getting back to center, I can help you converge those conflicting parts of you, so you can get out of your own way and embrace the you that’s on the other side of change, abundance, and wholeness. Are you ready to invest in you? I promise you’re worth it.
Let’s talk. Meet goals. Transcend. Break through. Evolve into a YOU you’re excited to be. Aquí estoy, a la orden. ~mara